Birthday evaluations and searing honesty

You know, I thought I had it all set.

 

Life.

 

I did. Truly.

 

Not perfect, of course, but pretty damn good and with unlimited promise.

 

And then it started to go wrong. And then relationships didn’t manifest that I was counting on. And then I got betrayed. Deeply. Searingly.

 

And then I had to start over.

 

Has this ever happened to you?

 

So, here I am. Back in DC, living in my childhood home, trying to make sense of what I never imagined would happen, but did. Now, on the cusp of my birthday, I get to decide who I am and what sort of life I’ll lead going forward. I get to re-evaluate many things. Those things being my assumptions about life, the lessons I learned about hard work, honesty, and recompense. The “truths” I believed about what it means to be a “successful” adult. What it means to feel fulfilled. And what it says about me that I’m questioning all these beliefs.

 

Has this ever happened to you?

 

It’s at points like these, when the pedal hits the metal, that you have to decide whether it’s an outside driven life or an inner? Because there are plenty of good reasons to think that the outer is a better way to go; after all, if everyone else is doing it, it’s gotta be good, right???

 

How much does it suck to be one of those people who cannot ignore the pull of the inner drive? When, no matter how much you resist it, that voice refuses to silence? Welcome to my life.

 

A dear, dear friend just called, encouraging me to continue with this blog. She said I had a “unique” voice. Quixotic and universal. Unpredictable and yet reflecting a common experience of people who are re-evaluating their lives. I should write a book based on my experiences and perspective. All of this was hugely flattering (never mind that she had had 3 glasses of wine when she said these things) and I love her for saying it.

 

But, back to re-evaluation. So, here we are. You, me, and the one other person who’s reading this blog. I advise to remind yourself that nobody gets it right the first time at bat. If they act as if they have, believe me, they’re liars or seriously deluded.

 

My friend told me the best parts were when I was brutally honest. Stay tuned.

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3 Responses to “Birthday evaluations and searing honesty”

  1. helenga Says:

    Happy Birthday and here’s to another great year of entertaining and inspiring us! Cheers!

  2. abitravel Says:

    Make that two others reading the blog. Happy Birthday and keep listening to that inner voice. It’s stronger than all the rest.

  3. grasshopper Says:

    me, three! A devoted reader—I’m addicted to this blog, and finally have the time to sit down and go back thru to re-read and make comments…you SHOULD write a book! I’m serious…i think i mentioned that in one of our conversations too…whoever the friend is who said those things about your writing is right-on. Wine brings clarity of thought—she was absolutely on point.
    And, even though writing a book seems daunting….it seems to me you have several chapters written already….i’m just saying….

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