A Rebooter Refresher, version 2.0

As humans, we are all here to learn, mature, and grow. Alas, there seem to be way more people on this planet who prefer to opt out of such responsibilities and blithely glide through life continually puzzled as to why things are going wrong in their lives, choosing to remain ignorant of what part they may have played in the mess in which they find themselves, be it a big or small role.

 

When it comes to my own mess, there was much that beckoned me to invest in a theory that I was blameless and the innocent victim of circumstances way beyond my control. And, in certain respects, that line of argument could semi-pass the smell test; but the truth of the matter is (and, yes, this applies to you, too) we play a role in nearly everything that happens to us. So, for me, I needed to buckle down and get to the business of re-booting, which started with asking myself some painful questions of where I went wrong. What did I do to contribute to the dysfunction—what erroneous assumptions had I made and when did I choose not to see the warning signs? How many people do you know who turn a blind eye to situations they don’t want to deal with? Where might you be doing this in your own life?

 

These questions and the answers they evoked were uncomfortable and caused me a great deal of unhappiness. But I also recognized that I’d never learn how to do better if I were unwilling to tackle this. Part and parcel of this excruciating process then required me to do something probably harder than the rest of it all combined: I had to forgive myself for my mistakes, my bad judgment, my ill temper, and my determination to ignore what I knew was wrong because I had invested so much in my current path. Forgiving myself has been the hardest part.

 

Where do you stand in terms of forgiving yourself for your shortcomings? Have you betrayed someone close to you? Have you let them believe a lie? Have you taken something you shouldn’t or left undone something you should have done? Have you allowed a grudge or alienation to fester because you could see no way out?

 

This is heavy stuff, I know, but that’s because it’s all about the foundation of what comes next. You can’t successfully reboot your life unless and until you acknowledge your strengths as well as the role you played in getting yourself into this mess. Now, there are a whole lot of things in life we can’t control that may serve as the basis for re-booting, but how—and if–we go forward depends entirely on us. I think about a former classmate whose spouse died suddenly—now they have to start anew, through no fault of their own. But they still have to do it. And, the good news is they want to!

 

I hearken back to those very early days when my life imploded and I had no idea what to do. I, literally, would remind myself to, “just trust.” I said this over and over to myself for months. I knew that, for all my faults, and for whatever doubts I had about how anything could possibly work out for me, I trusted myself enough to know that if I just hung in there, and did the work necessary as it presented itself, I might inch through this long, dark tunnel. And, so I did.

 

The point of these two posts has been to remind those of you who feel lost—whether it’s a life crisis or a mild, nagging dissatisfaction—that you are well equipped to overcome this difficulty. Whether we stumble or we achieve victory, we are expanding our understanding of who we are; this is our life’s work! And, remind yourself of what an amazing example you are setting for those around you by summoning the courage to try. Good job, everyone.

Tags: faith in oneself, forgiveness, personal mistakes and responsibility, re-booting, trust